Two Little Words and the Cowardly Pastor

I recently had a pastor sitting in my office. We updated each other on things that were going on in our lives for a while, then spoke of plans and things on our radar for the future. He paused for a second, looked at me, and asked, “how do you deal with discouragement in ministry?”

Wrong guy to ask, brother.

I pastor two churches. My Sunday afternoons between services are spent driving 98 miles south to a border church and then driving back. I go down there for an additional Bible study once a month, and occasionally head down there as needs arise. When I first took on this blessed responsibility, it was weird for a lot of people (including myself). The fact that I would serve another congregation during those hours between the morning and evening service frankly bothered some folks.

I remember a committee meeting at my “main” church about six years ago. There was a man in that meeting who tended to openly oppose me (he’s no longer a member of the church). He was sitting by me, but addressed the rest of the committee like I wasn’t there: “Who’s going to pay for the gas for the pastor’s ‘pet project’?” No one challenged him. Not even me.

I tend to bury that stuff deep inside, and it becomes a nagging fear (I guess that’s the word for it) that manipulates me in ministry. Even after that guy left the church the following year, his words (“pet project”) haunted me. It moved me to seek sources of funding for the Sunday afternoon mission outside the church, just so I wouldn’t have to hear those words again.

I thought I had “cast a vision” (to use the modern terminology) that it was an opportunity for us as a congregation to bless a sister church...had I failed? Was I wrong in doing this thing?

Looking back, I realized that these words pushed me away from leading our church to be more missional than we were. The hurt had become fear, which had become disobedience to the Word and failure to faithfully pastor the congregation.

Even three years ago, when I was asked to be part of an annual international mission, this stronghold in my heart planted its flag when it came time to fund-raise. And it did it again the second year when it came time to fund-raise. And this year, the third, year, until...

...last Sunday in the pulpit one of our members, in announcing a pie auction to raise funds for the mission, called it “our Philippines mission.”

And with that one plural possessive pronoun (don’t tell me grammar’s not important) the stronghold fell. The hidden pain which had been fed in the darkness until it became a fear which became a disobedience in my life was demolished. Two words (“pet project”) were defeated by one word (“our”).

Sure, I’m probably a coward. But I know I can’t change hearts. All I can do is submit to God, Who called me to this place to preach the Word expositionally week after week after week, no matter how hurt and fearful and disobedient I am. I kept driving and preaching on my Sunday afternoons – not because I was brave, but because I knew it’s what God would have this little coward to do. I kept committing to the overseas trip, even though that meant I had to rely on others for fund-raising...which meant I was going to have to be vulnerable to the possibility of someone accusing me of raising money for my “pet project.”

What’s pathetic about those two words from six years ago is that it’s so far from the attitude of the church as a whole. They’ve always support me, prayed for me, encouraged me. But I’m small and weak, and derailed by two words.

God is merciful and good, and looking back I see what He’s done despite my weakness as pastor of these beautiful little churches in the remote Southwest U.S.A.

How do I deal with discouragement, fellow pastor? Not very well. Inside I tend to sit the ashes, while plugging on wearing a brave face on the outside.

So, maybe the lesson here is consistence, or perseverance. Don’t quit if the mission/ministry is God-given. You’re probably thinking, “TWO WORDS?! You’re all introspective and moping about TWO WORDS – from a guy who’s not even been around for five years?! I only wish it were just two words in my case!!”

You’re right. Both congregations are now thriving, both have a heart for missions, and both are more loving, supportive, and encouraging than I can tell you. It’s stupid and weak that two echoing words buried deep in my heart hampered me so much. I agree and confess it freely.

I was moved to take on the second church by a passage of Paul’s in 2 Corinthians: “Are they servants of Christ? I am a better one - I am talking like a madman - with far greater labors, far more imprisonments, with countless beatings, and often near death. Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches” 11:23-28). It’s not that I thought I faced anything even remotely close to the long list of outward struggles that Paul rehearses. It was the fact that his outward circumstances didn’t consume his heart – the churches did. How Christ-like! That motivated me to give my Sunday afternoons – just a few hours a week – to tending to this little congregation in the middle of nowhere.

A few verses later Paul gives us a bit of red letter that comes from the risen and ascended Jesus, Who ever lives to make intercession for those who draw near to God through Him: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (12:9). The apostle’s “thorn...in the flesh,” a “messenger from Satan,” was probably more than two words. But the point is the same.

Keep on following the heart of Christ for His people, no matter how weak or emotionally crippled you feel. Even if you aren’t blessed in this life as I was this last Sunday when I heard the unexpected but gloriously reviving words “our Philippines mission,” the promise is laid out for His faithful (even if weak) servants, that one day they will hear the words “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your Master” (Matthew 25:21,23; Luke 19:17).

Advent: the Battle Begins

The Son became as we are that first Advent,

vulnerable to the temptations of the devil;

He took on the sentence of death due to us

and defeated its reign of fear on our behalf!

“Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death He might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery” (Hebrews 2:14,15).

Several years ago my youngest daughter was having a skin abnormality removed from her leg. It was potentially cancerous. Despite the fact that it was a relatively minor procedure, it was anything but minor to this dad. I was in the store the day before and thought I'd buy her a new Dora the Explorer nightgown to wear when she returned home. I remember standing there, holding this little nightgown, with Sting's "Fragile" playing as background muzak (seriously, it was!). "Flesh and blood" is really weak stuff to be made of.

Several years before that I was speaking at a funeral for a church member I loved dearly. Halfway through the sermon, as I was holding myself together by sheer will-power, I heard a voice in my head, "I don't want to do this anymore." It stunned me. I love the ministry. I love pastoring. I love preaching and teaching the Word more than I can say. That voice scared me. I've spoken a few older, more experienced pastors since then and the Lord has ministered to me through it, but it was an exceedingly fragile moment...one of the most fragile in my life. "Flesh and blood" is really weak stuff to be made of.

But our weakness is not merely our experiences in this world as sometimes powerless beings in the midst of unwelcome circumstances; being “flesh and blood” is far more serious - and weak - than tough days in this world. The writer elaborates on this at the end of this chapter: “...He had to be made like His brothers in every respect...He Himself has suffered when tempted...” (2:17,18). The weakness of being “flesh and blood” is our vulnerability to being tempted. This weakness is further emphasized later in Hebrews. Christ is effective as our heavenly, eternal High Priest because He “in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” (4:15). The weakness is not merely being “flesh and blood,” but the vulnerability to sin in temptation we inherit from our “fleshly nature.”

Ours is a slavery to the curse of the Law (death). Being children of Adam and Eve, we are born into this slavery; we further the slavery by our own freely-chosen transgression and lawlessness. All of us. Every one. This is our biggest problem. Our weakness means all of us are enslaved to sin before our Creator, a holy God Who is eternally offended by that sin and wrathful against it.

The Accuser and His Power

The devil introduces sin into humanity through his temptation of Eve (Genesis 3:1-6; 1 Timothy 2:14). It’s important that the devil used the Law of God (Genesis 2:16,17) as the tool of his temptation (3:1) - he does the same with us (if it ain't broke...). Eve gave in to this temptation, then Adam, and therefore all humans are born with a nature that inevitably rebels against the Law of God.

“For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s Law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God” (Romans 8:7,8).

“Cannot.” It is impossible. The standard is God's, and we fight against it, attempt to re-define it by our preferences, and roar about the injustice when the penalty time approaches.

With the Fall sin entered into the “spiritual DNA” of humanity. The title “devil” means “accuser.” Now that all of humanity is fallen in sin, the devil accuses us before God day and night.

“...the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God” (Revelation 12:10).

With sin came the condemnation to spiritual death and physical death. We all have an innate spiritual knowledge that we are guilty before God because of our sin and deserve hell for our guilt. "Though they know God's decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them" (Romans 1:32). The devil uses this knowledge to fill humanity with fear of death. Remember, death is not “natural,” as is usually said these days. This is the philosophy of a naturalistic, evolutionist worldview. The Bible tells us that death is the curse of the Law of God against sin, and we are all born with a cursed sin nature, already condemned to die.

The devil/sin uses the Law of God to tempt us into transgression of that Law, the penalty of which is physical death and eternal spiritual death: 

• “The very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me. For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me. So the Law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good. Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure. For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin” (Romans 7:10-14).
• “The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the Law” (1 Corinthians 15:56). 

Remember, the Law of God is “holy and righteous and good” (Romans 7:12) and even “spiritual” (7:14). The problem isn’t the Law. It’s us as sinners. “Sin is lawlessness” (1 John 3:4).

The Law of God itself is not evil, except to the libertine rebel heart of fallen humanity (Psalm 2:1-3). God originally gave His Law to humanity as a means to avoid death and stay on the paths of His life:

However, the devil used the Law of God as a means of temptation unto death with Eve in the garden:

Since we are all born as descendants of the fallen Adam and Eve, we are born with a “spiritual DNA,” or sin nature that automatically desires to rebel against God’s Law. What was given as good is now an instrument of temptation, sin, and rebellion unto death. After the Fall, no human being can be right with God through Law-keeping (Romans 3:20; Galatians 2:16; 3:11). The devil, being the author of our death sentence through violation of the Law, then stands before God and accuses us of lawlessness and the death we deserve because of that lawlessness. He uses our condemnation under the Law to make us continually fearful of the curse of the Law: death.

Every human being is aware of the Law of God and the death sentence, even if they spend their whole lives denying it (Romans 2:14,15; 3:19). We do all we can to avoid facing this weakness. But it's still there. This is the fear of death from which Jesus came to deliver.

Advent Unto Deliverance

Jesus became one of us at Advent to destroy the power of the devil: “...the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, Who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel” (2 Timothy 1:10). There is still Christian grief over death (Acts 8:2), but it is not a hopeless, defeated grief (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18). Jesus’ victory over death on our behalf did not avoid death, but went through it to destroy it.

“Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother” (1 John 3:8-10).

Remember, we are born facing physical and eternal spiritual death because we are born under the condemnation of the Law of God. We need a Savior.

One of the most famous verses about victory over death is actually a quote from the Old Testament: “Shall I ransom them from the power of Sheol? Shall I redeem them from Death? O Death, where are your plagues? O Sheol, where is your sting? Compassion is hidden from My eyes” (Hosea 13:14). In this O.T. passage God is actually summoning the grave and death to bring judgment! When the apostle Paul quotes this verse in the N.T., though, the victory of Christ totally reverses the meaning of the passage: “‘O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?’ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the Law” (1 Corinthians 15:55,56). Even though the Law of God is “holy and righteous and good” (Romans 7:12) and even “spiritual” (7:14), the devil uses it as a weapon of accusation and fear against our sin nature. He uses it as a means of temptation, since we are born with sin natures that rebel against the Law of God (7:15-23). No matter how fragile and weak the circumstances of this life sometimes make us feel, it's far, far worse than we can imagine.

But Advent means that the eternally divine Son of God took a human nature upon Himself and entered the world as one of us. He lived the perfectly holy, righteous, Law-keeping, and obedient life we could never live. He took the penalty for our lawlessness upon Himself, paying that penalty of death upon the cross. He rose on the third day that we might have life. He has ascended to the right hand of the Father, where "He is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them" (Hebrews 7:25). Advent was the beginning of the battle over our super-fragility and profound weakness as sinners. And the battle has been won in Christ, the Child of Advent.

Monday Morning Meditation on Psalm 4

“Tremble and sin not: examine your own heart upon your bed, and be still” (Psalm 4:4, Geneva Bible).

Why tremble at all? Why examine your own heart? “Serve the Lord in fear, and rejoice in trembling. Kiss the Son, lest He be angry, and ye perish in the way, when His wrath shall suddenly burn. Blessed are all that trust in Him” (Psalm 2:11,12).

How does this affect how we live together as the Church? “If so be ye have heard Him, and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus, that is, that ye cast off, concerning the conversation in time past, that old man, which is corrupt through the deceivable lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new man, which after God is created unto righteousness, and true holiness. Wherefore cast off lying, and speak every man truth unto his neighbor: for we are members one of another. Be angry, but sin not [quoting Psalm 4:4]: let not the sun go down upon your wrath, neither give place to the devil...let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouths: but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God [quoting Isaiah 63:10], by Whom ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and anger, and wrath, crying, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all maliciousness. Be ye courteous one to another, and tender hearted, freely forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake, freely forgave you” (Ephesians 4:21-27,30-32).

Thank You, Father, for fulfilling Your promise to the Son in forgiving us in Him, and for predestining us to be conformed to the image of the Son (Romans 8:29). Thank You, Son of God, for being a great God and King above all, alone worthy of our fear, love, and faith. Thank You, Holy Spirit of God, for sealing us for the day of redemption and for being grieved when we resist each other – and in so doing resist Your building of Your Church (Ephesians 2:18-22). Blessed and holy Trinity, help us to tremble before You, realizing that we ourselves as individuals are usually the problem in Your Church. Holy Spirit, remind us always to exalt the Father’s forgiveness through the Son in our membership together in Your Church.

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By the way, I'm not angry at anyone in the Church this groggy Monday morning. This is where the Psalm reading had me as I huddled over a cup of coffee, though, and we come to the Word to be taught...often before we even need the lesson, if we're willing to hear. Coming to the Bible with our "felt needs" and not to be taught sometimes means we walk a lot of spiritual miles on the Way a few steps behind! Learn from the Holy Spirit today as He speaks through His Word to teach us about conformity to the Son. Learn the lesson before the lesson becomes the crisis with your brother or sister!

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Alright: the original title for this post was "Shaking (Not the Harlem Variety)." I've changed it so no one thinks I'm being critical of the "Harlem Shake" fun that's currently going on. I sincerely was not criticizing or making fun of the fun or anyone having the fun...was just participating in it in my own silly way with the pun in the title (Psalm 4:4 on trembling and "Harlem Shake"...get it?!?!?! Can I get a "LOL"?!?!?!). No "Harlem Shaking" was harmed in the making of this post! I have, for the sake of not offending or get labeled a "Harlem Shake hater," given this post the current innocuous and boring re-name. Happy Monday to you!

But you have to admit it: "Shaking (Not the Harlem Variety)" is a much better post-title for a Monday morning meditation on Psalm 4!!

Are You David or Ahaz?

“The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though an host pitched against me, mine heart should not be afraid: though war be raised against me, I will trust in this. One thing have I desired of the Lord, that I will require, even that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to visit his Temple. For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His Tabernacle: in the secret place of His pavilion shall He hide me, and set me up upon a rock. And now shall He lift up mine head above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in His Tabernacle sacrifices of joy: I will sing and praise the Lord...teach me Thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a right path, because of mine enemies” (Psalm 27:1-6,11, Geneva Bible).

Too bad David’s descendent didn’t have his forefather’s faith when surrounded by enemies.

“And in the days of Ahaz, the son of Jotham, the son of Uzziah king of Judah, Rezin the king of Aram came up, and Pekah the son of Remaliah king of Israel, to Jerusalem to fight against it, but he could not overcome it. And it was told the house of David, saying, ‘Aram is joined with Ephraim’: therefore his heart was moved, and the heart of his people, as the trees of the forest are moved by the wind. Then said the Lord unto Isaiah, ‘Go forth now to meet Ahaz (thou and Shear-Jashub thy son) at the end of the conduit of the upper pool, in the path of the fuller’s field, and say unto him, “Take heed, and be still: fear not, neither be fainthearted for the two tails of these smoking firebrands, for the furious wrath of Rezin and of Aram, and of Remaliah’s son, because Aram hath taken wicked counsel against thee, and Ephraim and Remaliah’s son, saying, ‘Let us go up against Judah, and let us waken them up, and make a breach therein for us, and set a king in the midst thereof, even the son of Tabel. Thus saith the Lord God, ‘It shall not stand, neither shall it be. For the head of Aram is Damascus, and the head of Damascus is Rezin: and within five and threescore years, Ephraim shall be destroyed from being a people. And the head of Ephraim is Samaria, and the head of Samaria is Remaliah’s son. If ye believe not, surely ye shall not be established’”’” (Isaiah 7:1-9).

May we stand by faith and cling ever closer to the Lord, even when surrounded by enemies. Are you a David or an Ahaz? "Now the just shall live by faith: but if any withdraw himself, My soul shall have no pleasure in him" (Habakkuk 2:4//Hebrews 10:38).